You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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