girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
