Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
