I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
wow bdsm is so cute
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
