Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
