she woke up with a sticky ear
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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