gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
