i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The air taste purple.
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