He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ladies don't puke and tell
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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