you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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