You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
