hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Your cock deserves a montage
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
