It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
