don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
