whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
