East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
