Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
