So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Someone shit on the floor
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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