Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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