i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
