There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
