This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
