Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.