just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
