Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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