What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
