'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
