I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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