I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
