wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
