I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
