Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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