I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
