If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You're like the curious george of whores
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
