Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
