I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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