I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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