my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
