You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
love makes seman taste better
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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