First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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