Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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