im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
