You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
