So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
