It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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