He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
