pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
