I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
