Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
