I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
