'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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