I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
