also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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