you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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