we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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