there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
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Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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