Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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