he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
