final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
