I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
