So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
