she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
