His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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