do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize