We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
