My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
