That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
