Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
