She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
