i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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