I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
