I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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