I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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