No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
