i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
