Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
