i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
